Evening Stroll.

I Didn't Win Any Pulitzer Prizes This Year

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:14:30 -0400

I Didn't Win Any Pulitzer Prizes This Year:

by Jesse Eisenberg

I was awarded zero Pulitzer Prizes this year. This egregious omission follows last year’s receipt of no Pulitzer Prizes, and continues my twenty-nine-year streak of not receiving even one of these prizes.

The Pulitzer Prize was created in 1917, and is awarded in twenty-one categories, none of them to me.

Overlooked in the nonfiction category was an e-mail dated January 17th, with the subject line “Re: (No Subject),” and which contained the message, “I can’t do 7:30 and Babbo is insane on Fridays. Call Carl, he knows a waiter.” This e-mail, which received no Pulitzer Prize, was sent by me, J.Eisen1983@gmail.com, to the e-mail address PeterBway@aol.com. Nicholas Lemann, of the Pulitzer committee, did not comment, “The e-mail exchange between Mr. Eisenberg and Peter Bway was informative, but its brevity is what pushed it over the edge. I hope this honor encourages Mr. Eisenberg to continue to write e-mails, either from his Gmail account or a work account yet to be created.”

The second award I lost was in the political-cartoon category. As I am apparently not known for my clever doodles on diner menus, my recent caricature, titled “Nancy Pierogi,” drawn on the corner of a Ukrainian diner menu, whimsically skewered the former Speaker for her failure to regulate the banks and also lost me a Pulitzer Prize.

In the journalism category, I did not win a Pulitzer Prize for a Sudoku puzzle I completed in the back of last Friday’s AM New York newspaper. The losing puzzle was finished on a 3 express train between Seventy-second and Forty-second Streets, an ambitious timeframe to complete such a puzzle, but one the committee presumably felt was doable.

Nor did I win a Pulitzer Prize for my intrepid reporting on the state of my piano and whether it should be placed near a window even though it might blanch the wood finish. My mother blocked my calls saying, “I just can’t keep talking about this everyday, Jesse,” but I persisted, calling from a pay phone in the middle of the night when I knew she would answer. Relentless coverage of this issue was completed in March (and the piano was moved away from the window), yet no Pulitzer Prize was granted.

The Pulitzer Prize Board also avoided awarding me anything in the category of musical composition. The committee did not issue a prize in this category last year either, and it kind of makes me feel like it’s all about who you know. And not for nothing, but I listened to the 2009 Pulitzer winner Steve Reich’s “Double Sextet” and it’s just repetitive and obvious.

In the drama category, the fit I threw in Best Buy over a dysfunctional pair of Beats By Dre headphones not only went unnoticed by the Pulitzer committee but also got me banned from the Union Square Best Buy location, which is annoying because it’s open twenty-four hours and right near my house.

Finally, I won no Pulitzer Prizes for my photography (iPhone picture of “Unknowing Girl on Subway”) or my public service (“Giving Up Seat to Elderly Woman to Look Good for Unknowing Girl on Subway”).

Says the Pulitzer-free Eisenberg of this year’s prizes: “It’s thrilling just to be considered by the Pulitzer committee. But to be ignored year after year is truly an honor I never thought I would receive.”

“i just can’t keep talking about this every day, jesse”

dntsvwls: futuresongsaboutthepast: mechamelissa: butcherbilly:...

Wed, 15 May 2013 21:58:16 -0400

dntsvwls:

futuresongsaboutthepast:

mechamelissa:

butcherbilly:

The Post-Punk / New Wave Super Friends by Butcher Billy

Who are your heroes?

RELEVANT TO ALL OF MY INTERESTS

This is my brain.

These are all things I enjoy very much.

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 21:42:15 -0400

quinnfabray: this is the best thing i’ve seen in my entire...

Wed, 15 May 2013 02:24:45 -0400

quinnfabray:

this is the best thing i’ve seen in my entire life

tyleroakley: For a moment, I was unsure if he was feeling it.

Tue, 14 May 2013 11:00:02 -0400

tyleroakley:

For a moment, I was unsure if he was feeling it.

oceanaroll: Her?

Tue, 14 May 2013 10:58:11 -0400

oceanaroll:

Her?

Photo

Mon, 13 May 2013 11:09:12 -0400

First trailer for Arrested Development - Season 4! AHHHHHHH

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:15:17 -0400

First trailer for Arrested Development - Season 4!

AHHHHHHH

Photo

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:06:12 -0400

Foucault or Tortise--A handy rule of thumb guide!

Sat, 11 May 2013 23:49:53 -0400

tortoisefoucault:

Not sure if it’s Michel Foucault or a Tortoise? This rule of thumb guide will help you make this distinction with 75% accuracy!

Is there post-structuralism? It’s probably Foucault.

Is there a large shell? It’s probably a tortoise.

Is there hair? It’s probably neither.

Try it out!

Foucault or Tortoise?

Great work! What about this one?

Good job you rock, you’re a champ!

Your plan has now been foiled. MWAHAHA MATH HUMOR IS THE...

Sat, 11 May 2013 22:11:43 -0400

Your plan has now been foiled. MWAHAHA

MATH HUMOR IS THE BEST.

nosdrinker: yo who’s going to Jay Gatsby’s party later

Thu, 09 May 2013 18:04:47 -0400

nosdrinker:

yo who’s going to Jay Gatsby’s party later

Photo

Thu, 09 May 2013 17:00:01 -0400

Photo

Thu, 09 May 2013 00:26:05 -0400

Wes Anderson and the cast of The Royal Tenenbaums, behind the...

Thu, 09 May 2013 00:22:44 -0400

Wes Anderson and the cast of The Royal Tenenbaums, behind the scenes

lickypickystickyme: If grandmothers around the world had a...

Thu, 09 May 2013 00:19:11 -0400

lickypickystickyme:

If grandmothers around the world had a rallying cry, it would probably sound something like “You need to eat!”

Photographer Gabriele Galimberti’s grandmother said something similar to him before one of his many globetrotting work trips. To ensure he had at least one good meal, she prepared for him a dish of ravioli before he departed on one of his adventures.

“In that occasion I said to my grandma ‘You know, Grandma, there are many other grandmas around the world and most of them are really good cooks,” Galimberti wrote via email. “I’m going to meet them and ask them to cook for me so I can show you that you don’t have to be worried for me and the food that I will eat!’ This is the way my project was born!”

The project, “Delicatessen With Love”, took Galimberti to 58 countries where he photographed grandmothers with both the ingredients and finished signature dishes.

Galimberti said many of the subjects for the project were selected serendipitously, picked while he was working on a project about couch surfing that explored the global phenomenon of staying in other people’s houses. Since Galimberti never slept in hotels while working on the project, he was able to come into contact with people who introduced him to grandmothers in the area.

Galimberti acted as photographer and stylist during each shoot with the grandmothers, taking a portrait of both the women and the food they made for him.

From top to bottom:

Inara Runtule, 68, Kekava, Latvia. Silke (herring with potatoes and cottage cheese).

Grace Estibero, 82, Mumbai, India. Chicken vindaloo.

Susann Soresen, 81, Homer, Alaska. Moose steak.

Serette Charles, 63, Saint-Jean du Sud, Haiti. Lambi in creole sauce.

The photographer’s grandmother Marisa Batini, 80, Castiglion Fiorentino, Italy. Swiss chard and ricotta Ravioli with meat sauce.

Normita Sambu Arap, 65, Oltepessi (Masaai Mara), Kenya. Mboga and orgali (white corn polenta with vegetables and goat).

Julia Enaigua, 71, La Paz, Bolivia. Queso Humacha (vegetables and fresh cheese soup).

Fifi Makhmer, 62, Cairo, Egypt. Kuoshry (pasta, rice and legumes pie).

Isolina Perez De Vargas, 83, Mendoza, Argentina. Asado criollo (mixed meats barbecue).

Bisrat Melake, 60, Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Enjera with curry and vegetables.

Photo

Thu, 09 May 2013 00:15:16 -0400

Photo

Wed, 08 May 2013 01:45:30 -0400

joey and chandler’s magna doodle

Tue, 07 May 2013 18:42:52 -0400

joey and chandler’s magna doodle

Daughter - Get Lucky (Daft Punk cover) Again cause it’s...

Tue, 07 May 2013 17:01:42 -0400

Daughter - Get Lucky (Daft Punk cover)

Again cause it’s awesome.